Sizzling Summer Dating Series June- August 2013

By Keisha Stoute

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Now that you have gotten out and noticed, your first date is around the corner. It is important to have fun but you must also pay close attention to the first date tricks, traps and swindling acts! As you become experienced in the dating field you realize that everyone does not have good intentions and what they say is not always true.

Don’t be the monkey who slipped on a banana peel! Use your head and not your heart! Even the nicest people wear a mask of deception and they will try to con you into a piece of sucker pie! No thanks. Have the upper hand and know what to look for before you become another act in a traveling trick show. Here are the most common dating traps to avoid:

 1.     Sticky Fingers.  If your date has sticky fingers and
is suggesting sex direct him or her to a bee hive and get out! These individuals
are advertising what they really want up front and your encounter won’t last
very long. Remember, busy bees do not stay in one place very long so this is not
the kind of person that you are looking for.

 2.    Your date is constantly complaining about their ex. This is huge!!! On a first date you do not want to get into a lengthy conversation about why you are single and what happened in your last relationship. If your date appears to be bitter, constantly complaining and has unresolved issues then they are unavailable to you and are definitely not ready for a possible relationship. 
 
3.     Recent Breakup. If your date just had a recent breakup, then they are probably still dealing and communicating with their ex. This is not the best situation to get involved in. You don’t want to be the rebound person caught in a dysfunctional dance. Do not get swayed by he said/she said mess because you really do not know. This is also a ploy to get sympathy from you so that they can have the best of both worlds. People often say one thing and do another. They deal with grief and loss in various ways and they end up hurting others in the process. Leave that person alone and explore your options elsewhere. 

4.     I’m currently in a situation. Next!!!! This is a no brainer!!! If you are told by your date that they are currently in a situation, then this is not the one for you.  These individuals are complicated, selfish and want to be lost. Don’t fall for the okedoke, move on. Avoid the roller coaster of lies!

 5.     Let’s take things back to my place. On a first date, you want to be in public places where there are people around and not secluded in an unfamiliar territory.  This is a huge safety risk! You do not know this person. Air on the side of caution and decline the offer.  

6.     Too much alcohol= Impaired Judgment. On your
first date you want to be alert and oriented so too much alcohol will cloud your
judgment and will result in impaired behavior. Often time people will try to get
you drunk so that they can take advantage. Know your drinking limit and what you
can handle. Drink responsibly and be safe! Have a designated driver.

 Enjoy yourself and make the best of your day! Know what you want you really want and do not settle for less. If this is not the person you imagined then consider this an experience and move forward. Remember to avoid the tricks, traps and swindling acts!


  


 
  


 
 

Sizzling Summer Dating Series June-August 2013

By Keisha Stoute

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Has it been a while since you’ve dated? Put your worries to rest and get ready to get out and get noticed! Everyone has experienced a drought but the key is to know what you want and devise a plan to get it! The summer time is a great time to meet new people, have fun and to try exciting things. Before you get yourself in a tiff, determine what type of relationship you want. There are two main types of relationships, monogamous and casual. In a monogamous relationship you and the other person are exclusive and you are committed to each other. A casual relationship consists of occasional dates, with no strings attached and no commitment. Since you have not been dating in a while you may want get a feel for what is out there and observe what kind of contenders are coming your way. Remember, once you have determined what you really want, do not settle! Quality is always better than quantity.

 Getting noticed is easier than you think; here are some great tips to
make it happen:

 1.  Go to events by yourself.  If you want to meet potential prospects you must go solo. When you are solo you will be more likely to make the best of your time and will create opportunities.  Remember you are there for a reason. Do not act shy. Networking, single mixers and themed events are excellent places to start.

 2. Look friendly and available. People go by first impressions. If you appear to be closed off with your hands folded in dismay do not be surprised if others are avoiding you. Yikes! Smile a lot and laugh when appropriate. Look like you are having a great time. Initiating conversation is a great way to break the
ice.
 
3.  Keep your options open.  During this time you may have a lot of contenders approaching you and asking you for your number; give it to the ones you want and keep your options open. Even if you have found someone that you like do not put all your eggs in one basket too soon. Often times people appear to be available when in fact they are not, do not sell yourself short.

 4.  Don’t go out with anyone the same day you meet them.  Believe it or not it happens. These individuals who ask you out on the same day are usually looking for short term fun. If someone is interested in you they will follow your schedule and will make a more appropriate date and public place where you both can meet. 

5.  Be safe and follow your gut. Don’t fall for the okedoke! Follow you instinct, if something does not sound right then it probably is not. When dating someone new always tell a reliable friend, family member or neighbor where you are going and with whom you are going out with.

Do not over analyze and try not to be too critical. No one is perfect! Dating is a trial and error process so you will live and learn. Have fun getting out and getting noticed!


 
 

By Keisha Stoute

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Everyone is dysfunctional at some point in time in their lives. We all have participated in unhealthy situations and exhibited undesirable behaviors but when our actions interfere with growth; awareness and change must occur. Life is like a game of chess you must study
your opponents and anticipate their next move but when you are dealing with a dysfunctional character their moves are always predictable.
Dysfunctional people often repeat patterns of nonsensical behaviors by waltzing in denial, playing the fool and not using common sense! Typical behavior is getting into trouble, getting angry about it and calling all your friends and family to complain and then returning to the same toxic situation. It is like watching a movie you have seen many times and knowing how it is going to end. These individuals repeat this behavior over and over again because they need you to support them while they dance in dysfunction.

Dysfunctional people are not dumb although they act like it. These people are very intelligent but the real reason is that they feel comfortable in damaging situations and are hopefully and wishful that things will turn around. They know that the situation is bad but often have unrealistic goals and poor reasoning skills. These individuals are insecure, have low self-esteem and have been abused and/or neglected in some form. Stop discoing in dishonesty and take a step in the right direction! Realize your truth and get the monkey off your back! The longer you stay in deceitful conditions the harder it will be for you to leave. The first step to change is to admit that you have a problem. You must take ownership and stop blaming
others and trying to figure them out. Getting into dysfunctional situations are
easy but you must learn the lesson and move forward. Do not do the dance of
dysfunction, decided that it is not worth it and boogie out the door! 
 
The two main things that dysfunctional people crave are attention and sympathy. They want people to feel bad for them and to blame others for what is happening. Make them take responsibility and ownership for their own actions. As a friend or family member the best thing that you can do is not to entertain the dance of
dysfunction, tell them that you are not going to enable bad behavior and change
the subject. Do not waste your precious time and energy worrying about problems
that you cannot change. Sometimes it is good to love from a distance and
eventually they will get the picture. In order for some people to change they
have to hit rock bottom and to be by themselves. Realize your limitations and
take a stand to end the tango of dysfunction. Empower yourself and remember, do
not do the dance!