Sizzling Summer Dating Series June-August 2013
By Keisha Stoute
In any relationship you must learn to communicate effectively and in way that is not disrespectful and demeaning to your partner. Often times people are afraid to use their words to express how they truly feel because they are fearful of being disappointed, rejected and not
heard. Everyone has avoided difficult relationship conversations in the areas of dating, love, marriage, sex, and communication. In order to growth and to be successful in life, difficult conversations are a must. Becoming an effective
communicator starts with you! Expecting everyone else to change and to adapt to
your program is a destructive plan that always ends disastrously. If things are
not working out, get down to business and start a conversation! By taking the initial step, this opens the door for possibilities and when two people are willing, anything can happen.In order to start a productive conversation you must do the following…
1. Acknowledge your true feelings on the matter before talking to your partner.
This is a big one! So many people prematurely talk out of anger and frustration
and have not thought things through. As a result, you become unaware of what is at stake and may sabotage the opportunity before it starts. Be truthful with yourself and realize where you truly stand in the matter and what you want from this person.In acknowledging your feelings you discover the real issue(s) and the root of
your disappointment.
2. Separate fact from feelings.
When you are involved with someone your feelings can dominate the reality of the situation. Sometimes you want something that is not healthy and is destructive to your personal growth and development. Open your eyes and see the real picture, decipher what is actually happening and not what you want to happen. Live in the present and not in a fantasy land.
3. Become an active listener.
Being an active listener is not just hearing words but comprehending and understanding them in the context in which they are being used. This requires less talking and more feeling and embracing the moment.
4. Accept criticism.
This is a hard one! People do not like to be told what they are doing wrong. You have to listen with your ears and not with your mouth! Change is not always negative so be open to hearing and processing the other persons request and observations of your behavior.
5. Explore your options.
After looking at the bigger picture and talking with your partner you must explore
options. Some options can include developing a plan that you both can stick
too, compromising, counseling, mediation etc. Sometimes a third party can be a
great asset in helping you facilitate a much needed conversation.
Having difficulty conversations is not easy but when it’s all said and done you will feel better that everything is out in the open. Keeping feelings and thoughts on the inside is not healthy and can result in frustration, anxiety, anger, resentment, depression etc. Be proactive and make things happen! You have the power, take charge!
heard. Everyone has avoided difficult relationship conversations in the areas of dating, love, marriage, sex, and communication. In order to growth and to be successful in life, difficult conversations are a must. Becoming an effective
communicator starts with you! Expecting everyone else to change and to adapt to
your program is a destructive plan that always ends disastrously. If things are
not working out, get down to business and start a conversation! By taking the initial step, this opens the door for possibilities and when two people are willing, anything can happen.In order to start a productive conversation you must do the following…
1. Acknowledge your true feelings on the matter before talking to your partner.
This is a big one! So many people prematurely talk out of anger and frustration
and have not thought things through. As a result, you become unaware of what is at stake and may sabotage the opportunity before it starts. Be truthful with yourself and realize where you truly stand in the matter and what you want from this person.In acknowledging your feelings you discover the real issue(s) and the root of
your disappointment.
2. Separate fact from feelings.
When you are involved with someone your feelings can dominate the reality of the situation. Sometimes you want something that is not healthy and is destructive to your personal growth and development. Open your eyes and see the real picture, decipher what is actually happening and not what you want to happen. Live in the present and not in a fantasy land.
3. Become an active listener.
Being an active listener is not just hearing words but comprehending and understanding them in the context in which they are being used. This requires less talking and more feeling and embracing the moment.
4. Accept criticism.
This is a hard one! People do not like to be told what they are doing wrong. You have to listen with your ears and not with your mouth! Change is not always negative so be open to hearing and processing the other persons request and observations of your behavior.
5. Explore your options.
After looking at the bigger picture and talking with your partner you must explore
options. Some options can include developing a plan that you both can stick
too, compromising, counseling, mediation etc. Sometimes a third party can be a
great asset in helping you facilitate a much needed conversation.
Having difficulty conversations is not easy but when it’s all said and done you will feel better that everything is out in the open. Keeping feelings and thoughts on the inside is not healthy and can result in frustration, anxiety, anger, resentment, depression etc. Be proactive and make things happen! You have the power, take charge!
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